This is what is known as a waste of time.

Maybe I should get an award for being the best at wasting time. That sounds stupid, but it’s really not as easy as you think. Or maybe it is and I’m just being ridiculous. But that’s exactly my point. Or, one of them. Being ridiculous is a waste of time.

I’m not talking about being idle. No, that’s nothing remarkable. Sure you waste time when all you do is sit in front of the TV and watch Gossip Girl all day. That’s easy. Because you’re not doing anything. Wasting time by being lazy and doing nothing all day is nothing new, nor is it impressive. What I’m talking about, is exerting effort, and lots of it, but specifically to waste your time.

When you think about it, wasting time while doing something is very difficult to do. For example, you roll a piece of paper into a ball and throw it in the trash bin. You do it enough times, and sooner or later, you’ve got a skill. It may be a very useless skill, but a skill nonetheless, and therefore an accomplishment. It’s how the world ends up with people being paid to play games. Surely, when they spent all that time in front of the computer during their youth, their parents and friends thought they were doing nothing but wasting time. But slowly, their gaming skills progressed and viola! Game companies are seeking them out for their gaming expertise, to find out what games can be sold.

I think I’m drifting further from the point. What are all these words all about? Why, the universal answer for everything cryptic and corny and useless and eye-rolling of course: Love.

This is what I’m talking about — that everyday, I would check a certain person’s Facebook page and read everything in it as if I haven’t read it all before. I would look at all his friends and see if we have any mutual friends, as if they change every 2 hours (they don’t). I check the Facebook pages of his previous friends and see if they’re friends again. I would read their profiles, looking for a sliver of information about him. I would Google his name and e-mail address and see if there are any new websites at all that mention him (there aren’t). And while I do this, I try to analyze each and every little detail about the smallest information I can find. For example, yesterday, his profile was open to everyone. Today, it can only be viewed by his friends. A few months ago, he deleted certain people from his friends list, and then added them again 33 days later. Up until two weeks ago, his status in YM was always Invisible. And then he was suddenly visible, but only during work hours. On weekends, he’s invisible sometimes, but visible other times. Sometimes he’s not online at all. Sometimes his friends tell me he’s in a bad mood for an entire week. He may or may not have watched a movie with his sister last Friday.

I gather all this information and think about what they all could mean– why was he in a bad mood? Why did he change his status to invisible? Why did he delete certain friends from a list, only to add them again later? Why did he see a movie with his sister? Does it mean that he asked a girl out but she said no and he took his sister instead? Did his sister blackmail him into treating her to a movie? Is he online on weekends because they’ve finally got internet connection at home? Is he out some weekends because his brothers won’t let him use the computer?

I think and think and think and come up with several answers for each ridiculous question– he and his ex are back together, they’re talking with each other through YM because she lives abroad; he treated his sister out to several movies because it was his graduation present to her; he changed the settings of his Facebook page because he met some new people and wanted his profile to be searchable, or maybe he made a mistake when clicking a button under privacy settings and accidentally opened his profile page to everyone; maybe he met someone he could start a business with and has been meeting with him/her for a while to talk about their plans to make money; maybe he was reading all the letters I wrote and for a split second missed me, too; maybe he had a fight with one of his best friends and that’s why they’re no longer talking with each other; maybe his brother’s girlfriend’s cousin’s classmate is partially responsible for the price hike of gasoline…

Do you see what I mean?

So much effort exerted to find out information, so many resources used, so many words spoken and exchanged with so many people, so many brain cells utilized, and it’s all for nothing.

I don’t learn any obscure skill except to be able to make myself feel like crap in an instant. I’m not going to help anybody sell anything. I’m literally, tiring myself out by being extremely unproductive.

This is what is known as a waste of time.

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