This might sound strange, but… One of my favorite moments between me and E were all the times we argued with each other. And I don’t just mean the “cute” arguments we had, like whether fruity desserts are better than chocolatey ones (Seriously, how can he prefer fruit over chocolate?!). But to a certain point, I actually enjoyed even the serious ones, like whether or not we should still see each other, or why one of us has to be the one to adjust his/her schedule to accommodate the other, or which movie to watch (Yes, this is counted as a serious argument and not one of the “cute” ones. We are that serious about watching movies). I don’t know. I think I do believe what some say about how if there’s still passion to fight, then that means that you still care for each other. Because if you didn’t, then you’d find a better use for your time, instead of argue with someone. And mind you, our arguments sometimes lasted for hours on end. And they would sometimes border on the ridiculous, where one of us ends up shouting in the middle of the street or having to resort to blackmail. Hm. I suppose it’s not a good thing at all when you try to blackmail each other, is it? But… I don’t know.
I remember this one time that we were talking to each other after a long day. It was very late and we were both very tired and we would yawn every so often and our talking would get slower and slower, and both of us would beg the other to stop arguing because we were so very tired, and yet, we still couldn’t stop because we just couldn’t leave the argument alone. We couldn’t sleep knowing the issue still wasn’t resolved, and in fact we didn’t sleep until we came to a compromise. And another time when we were both at work and we’d agreed that we both needed to actually work (and therefore stop talking to each other), but again, we couldn’t stop texting each other because neither would accept defeat. And then during lunch, we talked on the phone and we both said how tired we were of fighting and how we were so distracted we couldn’t do our work properly and that we should just stop. But we still didn’t.
I found out just how stubborn I can be. And how stubborn he can be.
Ultimately, I suffer from it a lot because it doesn’t really matter how many arguments I win or lose. In the end, the fact is that when somebody doesn’t want you in their life, there’s nothing you can do but accept that. You can’t outsmart feelings. Maybe you can manipulate them for a while, but sooner or later you’re going to have to be true to yourself. You’re going to want to.
Still, our arguments remain one of my best memories of the time that we were still talking to each other and things were fine and dandy (or maybe there weren’t, because of all the arguments we had), if only for that precise reason–we were arguing, but at least we were talking.