If I meet you, congratulations! You will be one step closer to having an awesome life.
Not because we will fall in love and that will be awesome. But because you will soon feel really really good about yourself. Let me explain:
If I meet you, I will probably like you. And I will probably fall in love with you. And I will pine for you every day and every night. But you will not fall in love with me. You will probably not even like me or take me seriously. Best case scenario is that you “only see me as a friend”. And because of this, you will for a fleeting moment have an incredible power: You will get to break somebody’s heart. Mine.
It will be your sweet revenge for all the times your heart was crushed by the beautiful unattainable girl you knew you didn’t have a chance with but decided to pursue against all odds anyway. You will feel how it feels to be on the other side of the breaking. You will know how it is not to be the one who keeps checking your phone for messages, and not to care whether you say the right thing or if your joke was funny. You will have the privilege of having someone tell you that she will give you everything she can, only for you to tell her that everything she has means absolutely nothing to you.
I know this because I’ve met you before. I’ve fallen in love with you before. And you’ve broken my heart before. Many times.
And so, I have come to this conclusion: This is my role in life. To make all the heartbroken pathetic losers like you find a new confidence within yourselves because you’ll experience being the one who’s being chased, the one who will break things off, the one to say, “I just don’t love you” instead of the usual other way around. And because of this, you will regain confidence and your personality will vastly improve, just in time for you to find the perfect girl (who is not me of course), and live happily ever after.
Nevermind what happens to me afterwards. I will probably meet another pathetic loser, and fall for him again, and the cycle will repeat. But who cares? All that matters is that once you meet me, you’ll just have to endure a few months of drama, and then your love life will start to look up.