So, I’m quite sure it’s just me who feels this way, but I don’t get why some people (who claim to be your friends) keep things from their other friends. I’m not talking about secret stuff like, who their crush is, or if they have some kind of medical condition. Those things, I understand, are private (and sometimes embarrassing) so they can only be told to very close friends. But I don’t know what the deal is with some people who keep their other friends from knowing information like the following:
– what he/she ate for lunch
– what movie he/she saw during the weekend
– which family member / friend he/she went with to the beach
I mean, these are information that I don’t think other people benefit from, and aren’t really all that relevant, so why keep them a secret? So I guess you’re asking why it matters to me, when I just said that it’s not relevant information. And that’s true. I mean, I wouldn’t ask those things in particular during a casual conversation, but you know what, it suddenly becomes relevant, when the people that you’re talking to withhold that kind of information.
I don’t know why there has to be conversations like these:
Friend1: Hey happy weekend! Do you have any plans?
Friend2: Not really.
Friend1: Hey! How was your weekend?
Friend2: Fine. Pretty uneventful.
Friend3 (to Friend2): Hey! It was great hanging out with you at the beach last Saturday! (leaves)
Friend1: Oh, you went to the beach? Where? Is it a good place?
Friend2: (shrugs) It’s fine.
Seriously, what’s with the secrecy?!? Now, I know I’m not supposed to know everything. People are entitled to their privacy and I’m fine with not knowing everything. But when I suddenly find out things that were kept from me, that I don’t think shouldn’t have been kept simply because they’re not really things that I would’ve even cared about, suddenly, I feel a bit offended. I mean, why not just tell me? I’m not going to sell the information (not that I could anyway). I’m probably not even going to remember it! But like I said earlier, it suddenly becomes relevant and offensive because it was kept from me, even though it’s not a juicy secret. I mean, why would you keep a secret, what you had for dinner, for pete’s sake?! Not unless you ate an illegally hunted blowfish stolen from a yakuza-owned restaurant (which is very unlikely), I can’t find any reason why you wouldn’t share the information, especially with someone who is just making small talk anyway, and is actually only asking to be polite (or so as not to have dead air/awkward silences). Okay, so maybe I’m not just asking to be polite, because these people that I talk to are my friends, a lot of times, I am actually interested in what’s going on in their lives. But that in fact makes it even more frustrating, because here I am, trying to be their friend, being interested in the things happening to them, and they’re being all “private”.
I don’t understand it. I’m not asking because I’m a gossip. I don’t tell other people things that they tell me. I’m actually asking them because I care. And I’m not asking things that are too personal. When I feel that people are talking about personal stuff, I don’t pry. I don’t coerce them into telling me their problems and then force my own opinions on them. And I know that I don’t, because I actively stop myself from doing this. I actively keep quiet or let the subject go when the person I’m talking to looks like he/she isn’t liking the conversation.
One of my friends told me that I’m not supposed to understand it and that I should just leave things be. I have no right to demand information from other people, in the same way that I’m not obligated to tell other people the things that I’ve been up to. Fine. I get that. But my point is, I’m not demanding information. I’m not obligating people to tell me what they’re doing every minute. I just feel slightly offended that for some reason, things that they tell their other friends, mundane things like their mother’s name or their favorite song, are kept secret from me, as if they would earn money if they didn’t tell anyone about it. As if I was putting them in a tight spot by asking them what they had for dinner last night, or what they think of the weather, or what new movies are playing in the cinemas…
Honestly, it makes me sad to think that the friends I have don’t feel comfortable telling me things about themselves or sharing with me what’s happening in their lives. I’m not saying that they have to, but the fact that they’re really not, because they really don’t have to, makes me really sad.