Life, People

It’s Personal

Why do people sometimes think that pointing out how your problems are no different than anyone else’s problems will actually make you feel better?

I really hate it when people say something like “That’s nothing new. I’ve heard worse stuff than that.”

Why are you supposed to feel better when you find out that other people have it worse? It doesn’t make your situation any less bad. Nor does it make it any easier. So what if other people have gone through what you’re going through? Does that mean you can do away with your own problems? Why the need to point out how trivial people’s problems are? Whatever it is, big or small, everything that happens to a person is part of his/her life, something that makes him/her who he/she is. So please don’t dismiss it as something like a statistic you read off of a newspaper.

Example: Say your friends who are in a relationship break-up. They’ve been together for years, and then they fight, and then they break-up. Everyone knows that relationships don’t work out sometimes. Millions upon millions of people have experienced heartbreak ever since the world began. But so what? Will that information make your friends feel any better? Will it make them kiss and make-up with their boyfriends/girlfriends and forget they ever fought? I don’t know about you, but I think

OF COURSE NOT!

It doesn’t help at all. It even only makes it worse because you’re just making that person feel stupid for reacting the way he/she is reacting. You’re making it appear that his/her feelings don’t matter in this big complicated world. He’s just another person, there are at least 6 billion others, so why should he be any different? Why should he be treated special?

It’s the worst way to “comfort” someone, if that is your intention when you try to point out that other people are in worse situations. Nevermind that you have nothing to say or do but nod your head or shrug. That gesture at least shows sympathy. Or if not that, honesty, that you don’t know what to say or have no idea how he/she really feels.

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3 thoughts on “It’s Personal”

  1. Hmmm, baka naman Ida sometimes, people who use this line just want to help their friends who have problems move on faster. Kasi nga naman when you think about it, everybody has their own trials and sometimes, some people are dealing with worse situations but are still out there fighting. So baka it’s some sort of a “go girl” line implying that problems come but just like everybody else, we need to face them. It can also mean that “I know you can get out of that, you can solve that…”

    It also differs how some can interpret it. I actually like it better if my friends would tell that than hearing something like, “oo nga, malaking problema yan…tsk tsk…” or “ikaw kasi eh…” hehehe.

    But if the intention is something else, like saying “the line” just so her/his friend would shut up and stop ranting, that’s another story and I would agree that it’s not the best thing to say to someone who’s in agony.

  2. well, ur right. people like that suck. they think they are this powerful all knowing sh*ts, but the truth is, they are just insensitive jerks who try to veil their pride and ignorance of the situation with bits of freakin concern. they say: been there, done that.. but hell, where is the credibility, if what they say is true, then they would understand that the last thing someone want in that occassion is loser like them telling them things are just normal, because sh*t happens.

  3. @Monix: Thanks for the positive spin on it! 🙂 I’m really a pessimist I guess, because I always think of the negative meaning of things. -_- Lucky for me I have friends like you to remind me that it’s not all bad! Hehe.

    @Kirk Nortwirk: Well, after Monix’s comment, I guess I can’t say that “people suck” (although I normally say that hehe). Or, wait, I can still say it. I think people suck because they’re just so hard to understand!! DX
    Also, I do agree with what you said: “if what they say is true, then they would understand”. People who’ve already experienced something should understand the others who are going through what they experienced, and the last thing they should do is mock them.

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