Fatal

So many things can be attributed to Fate when it comes to you and me.

If I hadn’t been on a holiday from work, I wouldn’t have gone to that bar in the first place.
If that guy hadn’t bought my friend a drink, I wouldn’t have stayed long enough to see you come in.
If my friend hadn’t asked me to translate the menu, I never would’ve known we both had a passion for food and languages.
If we hadn’t gone out of the restrooms at the same time, we wouldn’t have walked back to the bar together.
If there had been more beer left, we wouldn’t have shared the last bottle.
If there had been any seats left, we wouldn’t have sat next to each other on the steps outside, looking out onto the dark, empty street, comparing it to our dark, empty lives.
If your workplace hadn’t been so close to where I lived, I never would’ve invited you over for dinner.
If you hadn’t liked wine as much as I did, we wouldn’t have finished that bottle.
If we both hadn’t been recently heartbroken, we wouldn’t have revealed such intimate details about ourselves to each other.
If you hadn’t smiled as you looked into my eyes, I would have never fallen in love with you.
If you hadn’t still loved her and gotten back together with her, I wouldn’t have become so devoid of joy or hope or life.
If Fate hadn’t intervened with our lives so much, perhaps this love wouldn’t have been so fatal.

The Problem With Time

The problem with time is that sometimes it’s what heals you, but sometimes it’s what kills you.

It’s easy to feel loved by someone when the taste of their kiss is still fresh on your lips, when you have but to look a few inches further to see the sincerity in their eyes, when you have but to whisper to ask them any question you want, and they can answer you by wiping the tears off your face, or smiling at you, or kissing you again.

It’s easy to remember that you’re loved by someone when all this just happened yesterday. When, when you said you would meet each other, you only needed 20 minutes and 7 pesos to do so. When your work schedules are only three hours apart and you have the same days off for holidays. When the weather you’re experiencing is so similar that you could share an umbrella.

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? Or is absence better at making you forget?

The more time separates us, the easier it is to forget what happened between us. Or if there is even anything between us left. Or if there was ever anything at all. What was that you said to me again? Was it samba music playing at the restaurant or jazz? Did you smile at me and then touch my cheek? Or did you touch my cheek and then smile at me?

When it had been only a week since we were apart, I was able to talk about every detail. And I could tell everyone with confidence that our love could make it. We could see it through. Distance wasn’t a threat. What with technology and determination, there isn’t anything we wouldn’t be able to do.

I was so set on overcoming the problem of distance, though, I never thought to think of the problem of time. Time that unlike distance, which can more or less remain at approximately 3,000 kilometers, just stretches further and further without limits. Isn’t it now 16 weeks, 4 days, 23 hours and 48 minutes since we last saw each other? Yesterday it was just 16 weeks and 3 days.

While I know it will only take me a mere 4 hours on a plane to get to where you are, I have no idea how long it will take for you to remember what you said, how you felt, or how you made me feel that time when you kissed me and held me and looked into my eyes and said that you loved me, 16 weeks and… oh look at the time, 5 days ago.

Tea Fortune

I suppose I could study Tasseography if I wanted to take fortune-telling seriously, but really, I just bought some tea that has pieces of paper with quotes attached to the string of each bag. And because I’m superduperstitious, I’d like to believe that the quote on my tea bag for the day is my fortune for the day. You know, like fortune cookies. Except with tea.

Anyway, here are the ones I’ve gotten so far:

The voice of your soul is breath.

At first I thought this was just about one person (myself) and it means that every time I breathe, my soul is speaking. And I thought that that was fine. Not very interesting for my first tea fortune, but I thought I could spin it like this: If the voice of my soul were my breath, then every time you take my breath away, you take a part of my soul with you.

I was already satisfied with that interpretation, but just before I threw the tea bag out, I read it again and interpreted it this way: The voice of your soul, is my breath. As in, your soul keeps me alive.

I like the 2nd interpretation better now, but I think the 1st one’s not too bad either. As for how it relates to my life, well, that one I’m going to have to spend more time thinking about.

He who wants a rose must respect the thorn. – Persian Proverb

This kind of hurt me a little bit as I was “complaining” all day about how someone I like is acting like someone I don’t like. So this felt like a kind of wake-up call for me. Bottom line: Nobody’s perfect. You take the good with the bad. You must learn to accept people for their strengths as well as their faults/weaknesses, Warts and all, yada yada yada… Right. Fine. Ako rin naman maraming ginagawang hindi amazing. I should stop complaining now.

Your greatest strength is love.

I really didn’t want to relate all the quotes to love, but today I wasn’t given a choice. And because this quote is so obviously about love (It has the word “love” in it!), I now see the ridiculousness of what I’m actually doing here. I mean, of course I know these quotes are actually meaningless and not my fortune for the day. I just kind of wanted to look forward to something before drinking tea. What I’m saying is, I’m sorry, my tea for today, but you are wrong. Because I happen to know that love is not my greatest strength. Love is my greatest weakness.

If you truly love nature, you will find beauty everywhere. – Vincent Van Gogh

Not much I can say about this except that it must be true since Van Gogh said it and he painted a lot of nature-y things. Very well.

A Puppy!

So my brother has a friend whose dog just gave birth to 8 pups. And he gave us one! As my brother already has 2 dogs of his own though, this new puppy will be staying at our house, mostly with me, at least, until my dad gets back from New Zealand next month.

He is so far super cute and nice and has cheered me up a lot.:)

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I know he looks sad in this picture, but that’s because he was looking at me as I was leaving for work yesterday.😦

Anyway, there are also times when he looks indifferent:

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And here’s a picture of him and his siblings just before we took him home:

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He’s the one looking at the floor. I promise I will post happy pictures of him next time.:)