Is there such a thing as a Mental Illusion? It’s just like an Optical Illusion, except that it has nothing to do with vision, and more to do with thoughts, or maybe a person’s state of mind. When in Optical Illusions, it’s like you’re seeing something that isn’t there, with Mental Illusions, you’re thinking of something that’s not really true. Or maybe that’s called Delusion. But with delusions, that means that you’re actually convinced that what you’re thinking is the truth. Whereas with mental illusion, you actually know that it’s not true, but your mind makes you think in such a way that you think it might be true. Or perhaps, despite it being true, because it has some illusion-like qualities, you would have moments wherein you’d think again about it, and consider if it really is true or not. Like you’re fooling yourself, but because you’re aware that you’re fooling yourself, then it’s not a delusion, wherein you’re ignorant that what you believe in is a lie.
I’m confusing you, aren’t I? Let me illustrate:
I guess I thought of this because as I was walking out of the office earlier, I suddenly had a feeling that I was only in the building for an interview, or maybe an OJT. Don’t ask me why, but despite my being there everyday, somehow, earlier today, when I walked out of the glass doors, I felt awkward passing through it, as if it wasn’t something I did on a regular basis. It felt like I was just dreaming about being a member of the “workforce”, but that I would wake up soon, and when I did I would be in high school, and I would prepare to wear my uniform and my white socks and my black shoes. Does anyone else feel this way?
I’ve always had a problem coping with change, but this has never happened to me before. Although I often reminisce about things in the past, I’ve never felt all that awkward about my present state. Except for today. Today, I felt like the past 5 years weren’t real. I felt as though I had only been watching something like “what my life could be”, because maybe I’m still 16 and pondering on what course to take in college or something like that. Or maybe I’m just too immature and that’s why I’m still not quite convinced that I actually am working now, and that school, at least the kind of school you have before you graduate college, will never again happen for me. Even if I study again now, it’ll be a graduate class, or a specialty class like cooking (this is just an example. I don’t think I’ll ever study cooking). It won’t be like high school wherein you have classmates you’ll see everyday and share your schedule with. The projects wouldn’t just need materials you can buy from the local bookstore, or stuff you find at home.
Actually, I think what brought about the “mental illusion” were the elevators. When I was a student, I didn’t get to see that many elevators. Buildings were only 4 floors high, and in case there weren’t any classes, I’d just be hanging out in the canteen anyway. Those days, the only time I got to ride elevators were the times in which I would visit my mom in her office. So that’s why it was sort of like a deja vu when I rode the elevator earlier, and felt like I was in college again. I felt like I was just meeting my mom, instead of actually going to work, like my mom does.
I’m totally not making any sense, am I? Sorry if I sound confusing. My mind is actually swirling with several ideas right now, and I’m too tired (or too lazy) to force myself to make sense of all of ‘em. But I didn’t want to lose this idea so I typed it right away, despite it not being all that orderly.
Off-topic: Does anyone have a copy of the song “Ranning” by The Phanky Okstra? It’s a Japanese song, and was the opening theme of the Japanese drama, Pink no Idenshi. I’m suddenly addicted to it. Will anyone lend me a copy?